"Don't Cry...You're Okay...You're Fine."
It’s something that has always bugged me. Why are we telling babies that they are okay, when they’re trying to communicate that they aren’t? That’s just it - crying is how they communicate (well, that is if you miss the other signs that can show you a baby is hungry, tired, or just shit themselves - scroll down for those signs).
I’m not trying to preach, because I have caught myself using this phrase…but whenever I do, I stop and question why I just said it. I’m trying to cut it out of my vocabulary because shes crying because she needs something and she’s crying to communicate, but she doesn’t have words.
So let’s cut the phrases: “Don’t Cry”, “You’re Okay” and “You’re Fine.”
I try to swap this phrase with:
“tell me what’s wrong”
“show me what’s wrong”
“are you hungry? tired? wet? poopy?
is she sick?
As I said in my about me, babies are a lot more than just “eat, sleep, and poop” and surprisingly can tell or show you their emotions and needs quite well with little to no words. Granted, Joey is almost 15 months old - so, when she was little it was more of a checklist for me; is she fed? check. is her diaper clean? check. could she be tired? check. did I eat something that upset her through my milk? maybe. You get the gist.
There’s a bigger reason to cut the phrase though. It has to do with their emotional development and us teaching them that feeling emotions and expressing feelings is IMPORTANT. By immediately picking babies up and saying “it’s okay. don’t cry. you’re fine.” we are teaching them to not allow themselves to feel emotion and that how they “feel” doesn’t matter to us.
Everyone cares SO much about a baby’s physical development (rolling over, sitting, crawling, standing, walking), but why don’t we focus on emotional development? We want to raise GOOD humans, who feel emotion and can be empathetic with others and care for others. I’m not saying cutting these phrases will make good humans (maybe though?), but it will make you more aware of their emotional development and will hopefully be a way to show your babies and kids that their feelings matter.
xoxo,
kate
Signs you should look for:
Hungry: rooting, turning head side to side, etc.
Tired: red eyebrows, clingy, food & diaper don’t work.
Dirty diaper: …….just change it. You wouldn’t want to sit in your pee all day either.
